A Tool To Get Unstuck From Chronic Contemplation Stagnation

Overview

This article will: 1) give you perspective on why humans typically don’t change behaviors despite desire, intention and knowledge; 2) give you an exercise tool to use at home to get unstuck and move into action that leads to results.

Why We Stay Stuck

It seems like one of life’s biggest mysteries: why do we not change behavior patterns even when we know we should?

So many people I talk to in person or in consultation calls struggle with knowing they need to make key diet & lifestyle changes to their lives, but they say they “can’t,” don’t know where to start, don’t know how to improve, and don’t have someone to support them.

They are stuck. They are stuck in their health struggles, mindset and often would rather keep on the treadmill of doctor visits and medications than make changes to their lives.

Nobody likes diet roller coasters, short-lived exercise motivations and the inevitable frustrations that ensue. But somehow that seems to be what happens over and over again.

So why even try to change if it’s just going to end in another failed attempt, difficult experience and mounting negative self-talk?

Because there is hope.

What gives us hope

Second Youth Wellness (SYW) clients who go through my digital course or private coaching often tell me that they finally have medically-significant relief they thought wouldn’t be possible. But they also tell me they have new-found hope for a healthier future. Before using the SYW methods and strategies, they thought they were going down a slippery slope, only to get worse.

Truth is, if nothing changes, nothing changes. That slippery slope can be a reality if no changes are made to how you got where you are in the first place.

The Transtheoretical Model Of Change

In health coaching in particular, and more generally in allied health that deals with behavior change, there is a concept known as The Transtheoretical Model Of Change (Prochaska, DiClemente, Norcross). There are six stages in this model: Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance, Termination.

This psychology-based model proposes that individuals cycle and re-cycle through these stages of change throughout life, spiraling in and out versus moving in a linear trajectory. In other words, we humans don’t go through life like an arrow, but rather a pulled-apart spring. And that’s ok.

The Contemplation Stage

For the sake of this article, I will focus on the Contemplation stage because this is where the vast majority of people get stuck, spinning their wheels weighing pros and cons of making changes to their lives. These“chronic contemplators” stagnate and don’t move forward with positive change in their lives.

First, let’s look into what the Contemplation stage is. Then I’ll share an easy tool you can use to get unstuck, if you’re stuck in contemplation wanting to move forward.

Wanting & thinking about behavior change

Indicators for the Contemplation stage are when you’re thinking about changing, and will be ready to do so in the next six months. Not tomorrow, not next year. In about half a year. This means you’ve thought about your situation, and want to make changes, so you’re gathering information and talking about it, but not taking action.

In the Contemplation stage, you’re ambivalent to changing. You see the benefit of changing and see the distress that NOT changing causes at the same time.

Pros and cons

But you’re stuck here, in Contemplation. You’re weighing pros and cons, but see too many downsides to actually making changes, or you see the downsides of the hard work and natural consequences that changes can have.

It’s natural to weigh pros and cons. We do it if considering changing our hair style. We do it if we’re considering visiting the in-laws for Christmas or going to an island destination.

When you’re stuck in the Contemplation stage, trying to decide what to do to go from Point A to Point B, there are ways you can get off the fence to move forward.

For starters, you have deeply rooted intentions and strengths that can be utilized to move you forward. Sometimes it takes someone else to help guide you out of the stagnation while using your internal preferences and capabilities.

Often times we stay stuck in Contemplation because there is a lack of information (or the opposite, information overload), lack of discussion, lack of problem solving (decision-making), action-planning and accountability.

Examples of weighing pros and cons

For example, when you want to invest financially but don’t know how, you’ll call a wealth advisor. The wealth advisor has the education and skillset to help. He or she knows the market, understands your unique financial position and makes an action plan accordingly to help your money grow. Then you’re held accountable by him or her to fulfill your part to make the process successful. Invest now, exercise discipline and reap the rewards later.

Another example can be found at the gym. Personal fitness trainers are champions at this. If you want to build muscle, they are experts in helping you reach your goals based on your unique situation, capabilities and willingness to do the work. They make a plan and guide you in what will be successful, but you must do the work. Personal trainers are great accountability partners. Invest in exercise now and reap the rewards later.

Health coaching has a similar invest now, reap rewards later rhythm. As a Lifestyle Medicine certified & National Board Certified Health Coach, I can be looked at similarly to skilled wealth advisors and personal trainers. I could be seen as a Personal Health Planner and accountability partner.

Wealth planners, personal trainers and certified health coaches get clients out of the Contemplation stage, into the Action stage, which leads them to subsequent stages of success.

If you stay stuck in Contemplation, you won’t get the changes you want, no matter how much you want them.

So what can you do?

The Decisional Balance Sheet

Here’s an exercise you can do at home to help you stop spinning your wheels and get out of Contemplation. It’s called the Decisional Balance sheet. This tool is simple yet profoundly effective. It raises self-awareness, defines areas of improvement and opportunities for action.

Using The Decisional Balance Tool

First, consider the change you want in your life. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to stop chronic heartburn & fatigue? Do you want arthritis relief or to get off of medications?

Now, write down the disadvantages and advantages of NOT making changes to your life (blocks 1 and 2).

Next, write down the disadvantages and advantages of making changes to your life (blocks 3 and 4).

Finally, brainstorm ideas how you could increase the advantages to making changes (block 4). Put the top 2-3 ideas into action. Get the tools, resources, allied support, information, whatever you need, to take action and get the changes you want.

How to get unstuck

They KEY in this Decisional Balance exercise is to find twice as many positive reasons for change (the pros) than the reasons for not changing (the cons). In other words, if you have more reasons FOR making changes and can see them clearly written out on paper, then you’re much more likely to take action and get results. If you have more reasons for NOT changing, then action won’t happen and you’ll continue spinning your wheels in the Contemplation stage of inaction; change won’t happen and results will be elusive.

TLDR

Most people get stuck in the Contemplation stage of positive behavior change because they’re overwhelmed with reasons to not change, don’t know how, don’t have an experienced allied support system, meet resistance or have lost hope for a better future. There is hope for getting unstuck and moving into taking action steps that lead to maintenance of the positive habits and lifestyle you want.

Utilize the Decisional Balance exercise to raise self-awareness and move out of the Contemplation stage and towards the Maintenance stages of positive change. Get guidance and allied support to engage action steps grounded in 2-3 of your top reasons to make behavior changes.

You can revisit the Decisional Balance Sheet in the future to help decision making and facilitate forward action in establishing positive behavior habits.